Show Them You Know Them (3 Min Read) | Vol. 181

December 12, 2025

“The way that we express love to people through gift-giving is by reflecting who they are back to them, and also by showing them who we see them as.” – Helen Rosner

Show Them You Know Them

In a LinkedIn post, McKinsey partner and bestselling author Carolyn Dewar shared a snapshot of a laminated card she’d found in her father’s wallet. He meets the same group of friends for coffee every Monday morning. He likes to arrive early and order for everyone. So he made himself a card with each person’s preferred order. Then he laminated it.

A small gesture that speaks volumes.

As we dive into another holiday season, we’re inundated with messages about what to buy and how much to spend. Gift guides promise the “perfect” present at every price point. But what if the most memorable gift has nothing to do with how much you spend?

I wrote about this a while back after realizing I’d asked my wife her coffee order hundreds of times over our years of weekend walks. After almost 25 years of marriage, I decided she shouldn’t have to tell me ever again. I texted her, recorded the answer, and added it to her contact on my phone. Then I did the same for everyone on my team.

The insight came from Caroline Huo, whose service mantra is “Show me you know me.” She once helped an elderly client, Rita, move from her home of twenty years into assisted living. When Caroline asked Rita about her favorite part of the home, Rita pointed to the lemon tree in the courtyard. The couple had received that tree on their wedding day and had carried it with them from home to home, all the way from Sicily. As a closing gift, Caroline had a cutting from that tree potted and delivered to Rita’s new balcony. 

The lemon tree cutting might cost a fraction of what some luxury professionals spend on closing gifts. But I’d wager Rita never forgets it.

Dewar shared in her post that the most extraordinary leaders “show up early, remember your order, and care enough to laminate it.” Simple systems make for magic moments. Whether it’s a note in your phone, a card in your wallet, or a field in your CRM, the best gift-givers don’t just remember things — they have a system for remembering.

This holiday season, consider gifting more thoughtfulness and less stuff. Pay attention when people share their likes and dislikes. Write it down. The most meaningful gifts don’t shout from under the tree. They whisper, I see you. I know you.

One question to ponder in your thinking time: What small detail could I remember that would make someone feel truly known?

Make an Impact!
Jay Papasan
Co-author of The ONE Thing, The Millionaire Real Estate Agent & author of The Rookie Real Estate Agent