Who Walks Out (2 Min Read) | Vol. 220

September 11, 2026

“Once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” — Haruki Murakami

Who Walks Out

Wendy and I had moved from New York to Austin the year before. Most of our friends were still there. I was at work when the first report came in. Someone wheeled a television into our meeting room, and we stood around it. A plane had hit the North Tower. A horrible accident.

Then the second plane hit. We cried. We hugged. We prayed. Our world changed.

My mom’s generation had John F. Kennedy. She can still tell you exactly where she was when she heard the news. September 11 was ours. 

Twenty-five years later, I still wonder about the people who made it through.

Six months after the attacks, a Columbia researcher named George Bonanno surveyed 2,752 New Yorkers. Sixty-five percent reported one or no symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Even among those who were in or near the World Trade Center, more than half came through okay.

That finding has held up. Grief. Injury. Disaster. Combat. Even the pandemic. Same pattern every time. Most people make it through. That’s good news. 

What’s nagged at researchers for decades is that we still can’t tell who.

Grit. Optimism. Toughness. All the traits we’d put money on don’t hold up when tested. Bonanno calls it the “resilience paradox.” Twenty-five years of good research, and the most honest answer is that we can’t predict who walks out well.

Which brings me to now. The storms we’ve been living through haven’t let up since 2020. A pandemic. Inflation. An election season that strained families and friendships. And now AI disruption. Everyone is carrying something.

So what separates the people who come through from those who don’t?

The best answer we have isn’t a trait. It’s the willingness to adapt. The ability to read what’s in front of you, match your response, and change course when that response stops working. 

If you battle everything, you will burn out. If you accept everything, you get run over. The skill is knowing which situation you’re in.

I wrote about this a few years back with the Agency Matrix. When do you ask for help, when do you act, and when do you accept? If you can match your approach to what you’re facing, your odds go up. 

You don’t get to decide when life will dump calamity in your lap. Just know, it’s coming. But who walks out is still being decided. 

One question to ponder in your thinking time: Where am I using the same response for every problem?

Make an Impact!
Jay Papasan
Author | CEO | Coach