The Three Powers of Curiosity | Vol. 117

“Curiosity will help you be more focused about what’re the real things that we need to solve.” – Michael Bungay Stanier

The Three Powers of Curiosity

I recently reread Michael Bungay Stanier’s excellent book, The Coaching Habit. A remarkable stat jumped out at me. On average, physicians interrupt patients after just 11 seconds. 🤨

Doctor: “So what’s going on?”

Patient: “Well, I’ve had this burning sensation here [points to body part] that started after our vacation where we went hiking with some old friends and…”

Doctor: “Let’s have a look, I think we’re dealing with _______.” 

Maybe this straight-to-the-point approach is appropriate for an episode of House, but in real life, it’s less a show of expertise than a remarkable lack of curiosity. We’ve addressed the lost art of listening before. As leaders, we have to do better.

If The Coaching Habit has a predominant theme, it’s to foster your curiosity into an everyday habit. Stanier describes the “Three Powers of Curiosity” as humility, empathy, and mindfulness.

As leaders, we want to provide the answers. Isn’t that our job? Oftentimes, people aren’t looking for an answer but rather for us to help them figure it out. Humility. Maybe they just need to be heard, for us to understand where they are and how they feel. Empathy. There are also times when they just need our perspective or help getting a better read on the situation. Mindfulness. Our job isn’t always to leap to the answer. Sometimes we just need to stay curious and ask more questions. All of the powers of curiosity make us better leaders. When we slow down, we benefit from all three.  

I think the first power, humility, may be the most impactful. What could be more empowering than making our client, our team member, our friend the most important person in the conversation? They may have the answer and it’s our job to help them discover it. “It’s a learned skill to ask questions and wait for the answers,” Stanier adds. “You’re giving up status because you are saying to the other person, ‘You come up with the answer.’” It’s not just empowering, it’s liberating. You don’t have to be the one with the answers. You get to be a trusted partner in discovering them. 

Gary Keller defines leadership as “teaching people how to think, the way they need to think, so they can do what they need to do, when they need to do it, so they can get what they want, when they want it.” Avoid short-circuiting the learning process by leaping in with the answer. Ask questions. Tolerate a tiny bit of silence. Stay curious. 

One question to ponder in your thinking time: How can I suspend my need to provide answers and ask a question instead?

Make an Impact!
Jay Papasan
Co-author of The ONE Thing & The Millionaire Real Estate Agent 

* That stat actually comes from a 2018 study. Looking further back, in identical studies performed in 1984 and 1999, the median time for a physician to interrupt the patient was between 18 and 23 seconds. We’re actually getting worse at listening.