Eight Things I Learned on My Friendship Walk (4 Min Read) | Vol. 202

May 8, 2026

“You are allowed to step back, disconnect, and disappear for a while. The world will go on without you, but you will come back to yourself.” — Cory Allen

Eight Things I Learned on My Friendship Walk

In Vol. 197, I wrote about a crazy plan. Three relatively new friends. Six days hiking the Nakasendo Trail through rural Japan. One big bet that walking together might turn us into something more. I called it a “friendship walk.” Here’s what happened.

We covered 59 miles, climbed the equivalent of 403 flights of stairs, and averaged over 20,000 steps a day through mountain passes, cedar forests, cherry blossom orchards, and 400-year-old inns. We shared trail lunches, cigars at sunset, and – on one memorable night – a queen bed. (Tim and I slept great. Don’t ask.)

I came home changed. Not in some dramatic, mountaintop-revelation way. More like a recalibration. Here are eight lessons worth sharing. 

1. Sprint so you can coast.

In the eight days before I left, I recorded seven podcast episodes, ran seven coaching sessions, wrote four newsletter articles, had two coaching discovery calls, entertained two out-of-town guests, hosted a live webinar, and packed for two weeks abroad. It was a lot. But I had zero desire to work while I was away. What if we got that clear about our ONE Thing every day? Not just before vacation. What’s the reward if you nail it? What’s the cost if you don’t? Let your answers be your boarding pass to focus.

2. Create a “FYI Only” system.

My EA, Skye, and my chief of staff, Carly, created a daily digest while I was gone. It was 100% informational. No questions. No decisions needed. I could skim it each morning for 20 minutes and feel connected without getting pulled in. It was the difference between being plugged in and being present. 

3. Silence has a music of its own.

Even though we were in motion most days, I found a stillness I’m still holding onto. At one point a plane flew overhead and it felt intrusive. When was the last time you noticed a plane? That’s how quiet it was – inside and out. We live in so much noise that we forget what silence sounds like. Japan reminded me.

4. Friends know all the bits. Great friends know how they fit together.

On a long stretch of trail one afternoon, I shared a story about backpacking in Europe after high school. It wasn’t new information. Tim had heard pieces before. I also went backpacking on my honeymoon, so the trips were getting tangled up in his mind. But walking together, unhurried, the fragments came together. He started connecting the dots in my larger story. That’s what great friendship does. It’s not just collecting facts about someone. It’s seeing the whole picture.

5. I am “incline averse.”

Downhill? All day. Uphill? I’d like to speak with the trail’s manager. This is not a metaphor. I just really don’t like going up. My knees are still creaky. 

6. The koi and the Dragon Gate.

There’s an East Asian legend about golden koi that swam upstream against a powerful current and tried to leap a massive waterfall called the Dragon Gate. Most turned back. But after years of trying, one koi made it over the top – and was transformed into a dragon. (For my Pokémon friends, this legend inspired the Magikarp!) The most humble can become the most powerful. But only if they keep swimming. I loved encountering this story while hiking. Some days, the trail felt like my own little Dragon Gate. 

7. Design your environment.

So much thought goes into every space in Japan. The quiet. The cleanliness – no trash anywhere. The etiquette that feels intense until you realize it creates shared calm. We are far less communally focused in the States. And I think we pay a price for it. Your environment shapes your behavior. The Japanese seem to understand this better than anyone. 

8. Go private. 

A private tour can feel like a luxury. It’s also dramatically better. After the walk, Wendy joined me in Japan and a local guide named Erika transformed our visit to the Senso-ji Temple from a photo op into a real experience. We hired a driver from Kyoto to Tokyo who detoured through villages on the foothills of Mt. Fuji. 

Whether it’s travel or business, the shortcut is almost always a person who’s been there before.

One last thought. On the podcast with Dr. Robyne Hanley-Dafoe just before I left, she asked me what I was hoping for. I said, “I’m going to Japan with three new friends, and I’m hopeful that at the end of the hike we’ll call it the friendship walk and we’ll be best friends.” We did, and we are.  

One question to ponder in your thinking time: When was the last time you invested in a friendship the way you invest in your work? 

Make an Impact!
Jay Papasan
Author I CEO I Coach