Three Qualities of an Exceptional Coach

“Point of view is worth 80 IQ points.”

– Alan Kay

Tony DiCello is basically my coaching godfather (cue the mandolin music). All of my coaches from the past 15 years – Bruce Neely, Abe Shreve, Sajag Patel, and Jordan Freed – worked with and learned from Tony before coaching me. “One of the things I learned from Tony” is a phrase I’ve heard more than a few times. Gary Keller interviewed Tony at our 2023 CEO Summit. Reviewing my notes, I found Tony DiCello’s “Three Qualities of an Exceptional Coach” circled and underlined. I’ll share and unpack them today.

In other words, an exceptional coach cares deeply, listens carefully, and delivers accountability.

1. “You’ve gotta care more about their business than they do. You work harder on getting their goals than they do. You will battle with them and won’t give up, even if they do.”
   ​
   There are few things lonelier than entrepreneurship and leadership. I’ve previously written about the value of knowing someone is in your corner. Having a coach means you don’t have to do it alone.
2. “You have to be a great listener. You have to listen from the first word out of their mouth. You can tell from how people say ‘hello’ how they are feeling.”
   ​
   A lot of our hiring process is just asking questions and listening. An applicant once shared with me, “I can’t remember a time when anyone listened to me so carefully, for so long. Thank you.”
   ​
   A coach provides a safe place to unload and unburden. Better, great coaches go where you’re hiding. They ask the questions you most need to answer even if you don’t want to. The final gift a coach provides in listening is perspective. They see our answers more clearly than we do. Unencumbered by emotional freight or responsibility bias, they see our world clearly and reflect it back to us. As one of my coaches observed, “You can’t read the label from inside the box.”
3. “You have to be strong enough to hold people accountable. Hold the same coaching call each week. There’s got to be accountability.”
   ​
   We shared Dr. Gail Matthews’s research on the impact of accountability in The ONE Thing. Dr. Matthews recruited 267 subjects from a broad array of professions. Those who wrote down their goals were 42.1% more likely to achieve them. However, individuals who shared their goals with an accountability partner and provided regular progress reports were 76.7% more likely to succeed!
   ​
   If the outcome matters, seek accountability.

Since my coach is likely reading this, I have two things to say. First, thank you for providing all three. And second, don’t get a big head!

One question to ponder in your thinking time: Who holds you accountable to the goals that matter?

Make an Impact!
Jay Papasan

Co-author of The One Thing & The Millionaire Real Estate Agent ​